The Problem of Uncertainty and Anxiety (and How CBT Can Help)

Most of us feel uncomfortable with uncertainty from time to time. But for some people, not knowing what will happen next feels almost unbearable. This can lead to constant worrying, checking, avoidance and a lot of anxiety.

Research has shown that struggling to tolerate uncertainty is a key factor in anxiety. When we feel we must have complete certainty, life can become very restricted and stressful.

Why uncertainty can feel so difficult

When you find uncertainty hard to live with, you may notice yourself:

• putting things off or procrastinating
• avoiding situations that feel risky or unknown
• seeking constant reassurance from others
• checking things over and over again

These behaviours are understandable. They are attempts to feel safe and in control. But they usually only bring short term relief. In the longer term, they tend to keep anxiety going.

For example, a person with OCD might wash their hands repeatedly to feel certain they are not contaminated. Someone with health anxiety might spend hours googling symptoms or booking repeated GP appointments to be sure they are not seriously ill.

These behaviours ease the discomfort for a moment, but they also send a message to the brain that “this situation is dangerous”, which strengthens the anxiety over time.

Rumination – getting stuck in your thoughts

Rumination is the habit of going over the same thoughts again and again, usually in a negative or fearful way. It can feel like your mind is stuck on a loop.

Rumination can:

• increase anxiety
• make decisions harder
• keep you focused on worst case scenarios
• make it difficult to think clearly

The most helpful thing you can do with ruminating thoughts is to see them as just thoughts. We cannot control which thoughts appear, but we can choose how we respond to them.

When you allow thoughts to come and go in their own time, instead of arguing with them or trying to block them, they often lose some of their power. It can also help to remind yourself that thoughts are not facts.

Unhelpful thinking habits (cognitive distortions)

When we feel anxious or uncertain, our thinking can become distorted without us realising. Cognitive distortions are automatic, negative ways of thinking that are usually not based on the full picture.

Over time, these habits of thinking can increase anxiety, lower mood and affect relationships.

Polarised or “all or nothing” thinking

This is sometimes called black and white thinking. It shows up when you see things in extremes, for example:

• “If I am not perfect, I am a failure.”
• “If today was difficult, the whole week is ruined.”

Real life is usually somewhere in the middle, but anxious thinking tends to pull us towards the extremes.

Catastrophising

Catastrophising is when your mind quickly jumps to the worst possible outcome, even when there is little evidence for it. For example:

• “I have a pain in my chest, it must be something serious.”
• “My partner is late, they must have had a terrible accident.”

Ordinary worries can suddenly feel like disasters in your mind. This naturally increases anxiety and keeps your body in a state of high alert.

Demands and “should” statements

Demands show up as rigid rules in your thinking, such as:

• “I should not feel anxious.”
• “I must stop worrying, I cannot bear it.”

These thoughts often make you feel worse, not better. When you replace demands with preferences, anxiety can soften. For example:

• “I would prefer to feel less anxious, but I can tolerate these feelings.”
• “I do not like worrying, but it will not harm me.”

Emotional reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when you assume that because you feel something, it must be true. For example:

• “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.”
• “I feel scared, so this situation must be dangerous.”

There is a helpful saying: “Just because I feel bad does not mean it is bad.” Emotions give us information, but they are not always accurate guides to reality.

How CBT can help you live with uncertainty

CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) can help you understand and change the patterns that keep anxiety and intolerance of uncertainty going.

In CBT you will learn to:

• notice unhelpful thoughts and thinking habits
• gently question how accurate or helpful they are
• practise more balanced ways of thinking
• reduce checking, seeking reassurance and avoidance
• build confidence in your ability to cope with uncertainty

For example, a thought like “I cannot bear not knowing” might become “I do not like uncertainty, but I can cope with it even if it feels uncomfortable.” This small shift can make a big difference over time.

Mindfulness and self compassion

Mindfulness can also be helpful when you struggle with uncertainty. It involves gently bringing your attention back to the present moment, without judging yourself.

Instead of fighting your thoughts and feelings, mindfulness helps you notice them, breathe through them, and allow them to pass. This can reduce rumination and give you a greater sense of calm.

Being kind to yourself is equally important. Criticising yourself for feeling anxious or “not coping” usually makes things harder. Speaking to yourself in a more understanding way can reduce shame and increase motivation to make helpful changes.

When to seek professional help

If anxiety about uncertainty is affecting your daily life, relationships, work or sleep, it might be time to seek support. CBT can help you understand what is happening, learn new ways of coping, and feel more in control again.

At CBT & Counselling Kent, we offer CBT, counselling and EMDR for anxiety and related difficulties.

You can read more about the problems we support here:
👉 https://cbtandcounsellingkent.co.uk/problems-we-can-help-with/

If you would like to talk things through with a therapist, you can book a session online at a time that suits you.

Book an appointment:
👉 https://cbtandcounsellingkent.co.uk/book-appointment-now/

Sessions are £68 for a full one hour appointment, either face to face in Kent or online.